Erwin X Reader X Rivaille~ My Little Voice
My life was a game of tug of war between, probably, the two most respected men within the walls. Both were powerful, strong enough to tug the rope harder than the other at any moment. I would stand there, as if I was tied to the center of the rope, being pulled to one side every day.
Why did I never choose a certain side?
The little voice inside my head, who spoke soft and quickly, advised me not to.
So I let them throw me everywhere, and let them have their own war between them. An internal duel and both of them were in separate corners with me on the sidelines. I can watch, but whenever I approach one about it, they shooed me off and looked at me like they were saying, 'this was for your own good.'
It makes me wonder- how can two completely different men fight for me like they were children trying to get a lollipop?
Rivaille was in total denial most times. When I approach him most days, he usually snaps at me to clean a room, which I'm not necessarily dreadful about. No affection whatsoever, as if nothing between him and Erwin never existed. However, I can't help but notice that twitch of his eyelid when he finds Erwin and I in the same room.
A stoic expression was always present on his face or it was there most of the time, unlike those who would walk around happily, enjoying the moments before they either retire or end up never returning from an expedition. It was heartbreaking knowing that Rivaille holed himself in the military and insisted on doing only work on a business level. He never strayed far from it, except for one thing. Me.
It is beyond me how I interest him more than killing titans, paperwork, or even cleaning. It shocks me that he even has the determination behind him to face his superior, with that same full-fledged force he has when cutting the flesh of our predators. He turned stiff and rigid at the sight of me, but it was only noticeable through my eyes.
That nervousness turned into bravery over time. Whenever getting back from expeditions, he would sneak me into my room, quietly, in order to not gain attention. Rivaille wouldn't dare trying anything on me; he would just sit there and whispers softly like the wind itself. He would promise to guard me, to keep me alive, to save me. He would be thankful that I returned to the walls after every expedition with me at his side.
On every one of those nights, my little voice came haunting me.
What about Erwin?
What about him? He was completely different than Rivaille, and had more experience with feelings than him. On top of that, more authority which kept the Corporal at bay. Erwin found out about our relationship one day after an expedition, and ordered us to not have an affair. He claimed that relationships would get in the way of Rivaille's duty, and his importance in the military was far too great for him to get distracted.
Rivaille protested harshly, despite Erwin being his superior. It sparked a war between them, a horrible battlefield of their own springing within the walls.
Erwin was that gentlemen figure, always tidied up, though not as much as Rivaille. He tended to call me into his office and I would accompany him while he finished his daily paperwork. We were five years apart, and were Survey Corps veterans, so we had a right to talk privately.
He would complement me on everything- my so-called bravery, selflessness and skill in combat. He would insult Rivaille behind his back, claiming I was worthy of being the strongest soldier more than him. Erwin said I was more lax and obeyed orders more efficiently, that I also showed more determination and hope that humanity will be saved from the titan's grasp. He once said that he and I could save the world together.
What about Rivaille? The little voice inside my head would say. The tone was soft and feminine like my own. It didn't like having two men at my side, fighting over me.
One day, I decided I was going to take my own decisions. The little voice would ring in my ear:
Why did you do that?
What about Rivaille?
What about Erwin?
Why won't you listen to me?
That day, I would ignore all my problems- I guess you would call it a rebellion stage. I didn't visit Rivaille after the expedition, nor did I accompany Erwin while he finished his paperwork.
They both set aside their differences and questioned me about it, insisting that I tell them what it was that made me act in such an unusual way.
I ended up bursting out:
"The source is you two. Nobody will no longer accompany you when doing paperwork, or visit you after an expedition. As long as I'm not living, it will stay that way."
And thus, the little voice inside my head stopped, and I didn't return on the next expedition.